From Holiday Fixer to Facilitator of Joy and Peace
Family gatherings and holidays bring out the fixers (full disclosure: recovering fixer here). It's as if all our desires for a beautiful, happy, safe world get projected onto November and December, usually with rather disappointing results.
Let's have some fun: How many of these personas can you relate to? (And grab your downloadable 'fixer' meditation at the bottom.)
☐ The Overzealous Decorator: Every square inch of the house needs to be a magical winter wonderland
☐ The Recipe Regulator: Offers 'constructive criticism' on everything from gravy stirring to pie crust fluting, or just does it all themselves
☐ The Peacekeeper: Spends the holidays trying to manage family dynamics
☐ The Social Coordinator: Has the entire holiday season scheduled down to the minute, even the holiday movie queue
Guess what these fixers have in common? When we're embodying that fixer energy, we are ultimately disappointed in the outcome of our herculean efforts and good intentions. We feel let down by loved ones, stressed and misunderstood (maybe even unappreciated).
WE ALL ENGAGE IN THIS TO SOME DEGREE, IT'S PART OF OUR HUMAN CONDITIONING. NO JUDGING. BUT... IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS.
A Better Way: From holiday fixer to facilitator of joy and peace.
Here's the spirit-led practice I use when I need to shift my fixer energy (doing / outer) to an energy that facilitates joy and peace (being / inner).
I bring my focus back to retraining and healing my mind, not Uncle Bobby or the overcooked turkey.
I remember that as long as I'm "using" external things, like people and holidays, to make me feel happy and needed, I'm stuck in a loop of needing to fix everyone and everything.
I notice the uncomfortable resistance that arises at just the thought of letting go of the fixing... thoughts that quickly lead down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenario thinking. I recognize the discomfort of not doing the things that I feel will keep me safe and loveable.
I don't resist the resistance or discomfort, I allow and welcome all these thoughts and feelings without judgment (and if I can't do it without judgment, or I can't do it at all... I welcome that too).
I remind myself that fixing and perfectionism are simply defenses against an underlying fear of not being loveable just as I am, and then projecting onto others that they are not loveable just as they are.
I forgive all of it because I know that's the only way to see past the fear in my mind... and in doing this I know that I'll facilitate more peace and joy than the perfect pumpkin pie ever could.
Supportive Meditation (downloadable): Becoming a Facilitator of Joy and Peace: A Guided Holiday Meditation with Susie
Supportive essential oils: Bergamot, promotes self-acceptance and love. Sandalwood, promotes inner unity, encourages deeper mindfulness.
This shift probably won't happen overnight, this is deep, transformative work. Watch for the mini-breakthroughs along the way so you don't become discouraged.
In growing joy and expanding peace,
Susie