Practicing peace in times of war... insights from Pema Chödrön
Almost 20 years ago, Tibetan Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön wrote a book about one of the most difficult things to do as a human: cultivate inner peace, openness, and resilience when the outer world is waging war. I can't think of a better time to revisit "Practicing Peace in Times of War."
A quick note before I dive into 5 of Pema's insights -> Here's the frustrating paradox of being human: We rarely have spiritual breakthroughs without emotional conflict and pain pushing us forward. Perplexing? Yes! My most profound inner growth has emerged from times when I've felt overwhelmed by fear, anger, dread, anxiety, illness, grief, sadness, despair, disgust, or uncertainty. Basically, when I have felt robbed of my own peace.
Now, I would never, ever wish pain or harm on myself or another person for the sake of some modicum of spiritual awareness. But I do recognize that how I react ripples outward into the global consciousness. I can get swept up by my fearful and indignant thinking, making me angrier, sadder, and less peaceful... or I can choose to compassionately and gently look with Spirit at what's going on in my mind, and make the correction there (instead of in the outer world).
In her book, Pema basically says exactly what A Course in Miracles teaches:""Every response to the ego is a call to war, and war does deprive you of peace. Yet in this war there is no opponent. This is the reinterpretation of reality that you must make to secure peace, and the only one you need ever make. Those whom you perceive as opponents are part of your peace, which you are giving up by attacking them. How can you have what you give up? You share to have, but you do not give it up yourself. When you give up peace, you are excluding yourself from it."
1. Practice staying soft when things get hard
To be part of peace in this world, be willing to notice how and when our hearts harden and close because discomfort has arisen. Shutting down our hearts might temporarily ease uncomfortable feelings, but it ends up perpetuating the war within. And if there's war within, it will surely reflect outward on those around us.
“We have to be brave enough to soften what is rigid, to find the soft spot and play with it.... we can talk about ending war and we can march for ending war, we can do everything in our power, but war is never going to end as long as our hearts are hardened against each other.”
2. Practice patience, not the hardline
Fundamentalism isn't limited to religious zealots. It's hard to hear, but even the most big-hearted and sweet-natured among us can fall into fundamentalism when we draw an inflexible line on the righteousness of our own so-called helpful, correct beliefs. It happens any time we close ourselves off from viewpoints that aren't in line with our value system or get angry when we hear something that we disagree with. Pema offers the practice of patience as an antidote to anger and aggression that come from fundamentalism. She points out that fearlessness emerges in the presence of patience, courageously resisting anger's pull, and letting go of the need for control.
“So when you’re like a keg of dynamite just about to go off, patience means just slowing down at that point — just pausing — instead of immediately acting on your usual, habitual response. You refrain from acting, you stop talking to yourself, and then you connect with the soft spot. But at the same time you are completely and totally honest with yourself about what you are feeling. You are not suppressing anything; patience has nothing to do with suppression. In fact, it has everything to do with a gentle, honest relationship with yourself.”
3. Practice not building walls
In times of conflict and fear, it's a natural human instinct to build walls of safety. But this increases the sense of you as separate from me - which we know does not promote peace inside or out. Instead try to just stay open to the discomfort, even pain, you're experiencing. Stop the inner conversation with yourself about what's going on.
“Let the sharpness of difficult times pierce us to the heart, letting these times open us, humble us, and make us wiser and more brave. Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help from not running away.”
4. Practice not scratching that itch
There's a Tibetan concept called "shenpa" that Pema writes about. Shenpa gets at the root of aggression. It's the energetic charge behind our thoughts and actions when we react strongly to something... like when someone criticizes you and you instantly get that familiar urge to react. Shenpa is that sticky, seductive feeling that makes you want to do something about it. Learn to sit with the triggered feeling... the urge to react. Be okay with insecure feelings and lean into uncertainty. It's not easy, but remember that this will help you and the world at large.
“In these moments, we can contact the underlying insecurity of the human experience, the insecurity that is inherent in a changing, shifting world. As long as we are habituated to needing something to hold on to, we will always feel this background rumble of slight unease or restlessness. We want some relief from the unease, so when shenpa arises we go on automatic pilot: without a pause, we follow the urge and get swept away.”
5. Practice compassionate abiding
When something unpleasant happens, our conditioned response kicks in, and we get a whopper of a reaction. First of all, that's natural and very human. But we have an opportunity with that aversion so we can stay present and open-hearted. Pema calls this practice "compassionate abiding." The goal is to become aware that our reactions are interpretations and opinions, not absolute truths. You're not trying to push away feelings of aversion or stop having unpleasant thoughts. Instead, invite them as helpful teachers. Breathe it in, but let go of the judgments and opinions attached to the aversion and discomfort. Just experience the feeling itself, free from interpretation. You can practice this when dealing with things that anger or disgust you, and you can extend it to all people whose hearts have been locked by the grip of aversion.
My friends... together, our beautiful mission is to deepen our trust in the profound wisdom that guides our lives. Through this journey, and knowing that we each hold sacred space for the other, let's fully embrace every moment, strengthen our connections with ourselves and those around us, and confidently step up with open hearts and calm minds whenever life calls us.
With ever growing love,
Susie