10 Secrets for Transforming Relationships
Relationships aren’t easy. In fact, Ken Wapnick (my favorite teacher of A Course in Miracles) says relationships are our most difficult classroom in this life. I am once divorced, and remarried now for almost 20 years… and relationship #2 is just as filled with learning as #1. You could say, I did not escape the curriculum - I just changed the setting a little.
There’s a year worth of stuff I could share about this, but for today… Let's dig into something that has the power to transform your experience with loved ones – the holy relationship. And before you start imagining angels and halos or anything like that, let me set the record straight – this NOT about religion, morality and do-gooding. It's about a relationship that's taken up a notch, lifted above the chaos of life, and infused with presence and consciousness.
Across time and belief systems, wisdom writers have hinted at this whole divine-in-each-other thing through the lens of a relationship. I first came across the concept of a holy relationship in A Course in Miracles. It wasn't easy to comprehend at first, and it still takes practice and tenacity. But it's been worth it... I've witnessed unexpected miracles as difficult relationships peppered with narcissism, addiction, and victimhood literally transformed. And the more I surrender, the greater the reward. Most importantly, the more I heal myself, the more I see others around me transform.
Note: It does not take both people for this to work. What you do, regardless of the other person's attitude or behavior, has the power to create a holy relationship. but doing it alone ain’t easy - get yourself a support group!!
Here are my 10 “secrets” for creating a holy relationship (PS - I am FAR from perfect in this regard, but I teach what I most need to learn!):
Forget the whole "separate beings" illusion. Connect with your shared essence and recognize that spark of pure awesomeness in whoever you are close to – your partner, your parents, your kids, your siblings.
Say goodbye to performance pressure and guilt. Ditch the unhelpful do-gooding inherent in superficial roles – the "perfect" dad, the "ideal" wife, the "good" daughter – and just "be." These "roles" are literally impossible to live up to and they make everyone miserable.
Be like a mirror reflecting each other's light. That's how you both remember how divinely awesome you truly are.
Treat your relationship like a sacred space. Let go of the ego, ditch the judgments, and let loving-kindness be your guide.
Recognize your own patterns of needing validation, security, or fulfillment from someone else, and then sweetly remember that your source of true contentment lies within.
Look at relationship conflicts as your classroom, not your battlefield. The places where you rub up against each other and get hot under the collar show you what needs attention and transformation.
Savor moments of connection as portals to the divine.
Understand that when someone messes up or says something that hurts, it's their fears doing the talking. Look beyond the mess to the gem within.
When in doubt, ask yourself, "What's the kindest, most loving thing to do here?" It's like a love compass.
Surrender to the flow of love (you'd be surprised how much we all actually resist this).
Remember, life isn't always rainbows and sunshine, but a holy relationship is like an umbrella of grace that keeps you both dry when the storms come rolling in. ✨❤️🕊️
Big love,
Susie